You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life. The facts of life. A sad fact of life is that I’m too lazy to find an image of any of the cast members that I can legally use so all you get is the song stuck in your head. HA!
This all started because I was trying to sneak attack tickle Lexi’s underarm and missed. You’re not getting quotation marks because this has been hours ago now so I can’t really remember verbatim but ohhhhhh, I need to get this down for posterity’s sake.
So then this happened
Lexi: Ow, that hurt my boob!
Me: I’m sorry baby, I was going for your armpit.
Lexi: Well you didn’t make it.
Me: I’m sorry.
Lexi: You made my boob.
Me: I know, my bad.
Lexi: It’s ok.
Me: Ok, good. Love you, goodnight.
Lexi: Well, you didn’t MAKE my boob.
And here we go.
Me: I mean, yeah. Technically, I totally made your boob. I made all of you.
Lexi: No you didn’t, Jesus made me. (I’m letting her come to her own understanding of religion, science, the combination of the 2, ect.)
Me: Really? So I had nothing to do with this at all?
Lexi: No, just Jesus putting all the parts together.
So this is when I start getting a mental image and it’s pretty much all downhill from there.
Me: Wait, what do you think happens? Like Jesus is just up there on an assembly line putting together body parts from a box?
Lexi: Kind of. But on clouds.
Me: So how do I come into all this?
Because she’s known how babies are born for quite some time now. Remember April the giraffe? So she knows how they make their way into the world but so far the only explanation she’s gotten of how babies (her in particular) are made is “the best part of mommy and the best part of daddy came together and created you”. Which I still stick by and firmly believe to be true.
Lexi: Jesus puts the baby into a dove’s mouth –
Me, interrupting: Hold on, WHAT?!? You think Jesus makes babies and then feeds them to birds?!?
Seriously gotta stop letting her go to the Methodist Church for Sunday school…
Lexi, who is laughing hysterically by this point: No! Just into their mouth so they can deliver the baby!
Me: Oh, ok, my mistake.
Lexi: So then the dove flies up your butt-
Me, interrupting again: WHAT?!?!?
Lexi: Yeah and then it attaches the cord to your insides and to the baby’s belly button.
Lexi: And that’s how they get in there.
Me:… Ok so then does the dove fly back out of your butt?
Lexi: NOOOOOOOO! It falls out of your armpit!
Me: Uh huh.
Lexi: And then it dies.
Me: Uh huh. Wait, why does it die after all that?
Lexi: Because it ate poop on the way in.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The miraculous story of conception.