4/ioG-0V_zQItdjFSC4odgA6e449QdP84Mr4TsyKpjOEE I'm not crazy, I've been chosen by God ~ GINGER SNAPPED BACK

I’m not crazy, I’ve been chosen by God

Hi again,
I know it’s been a while but if being inconsistent counts as a form of consistency, then I’m wicked consistent. Sorry.

Anyway, I was sitting in the Jeep this morning with the windows down (GORGEOUS morning btw) waiting to turn out of a parking lot onto the road. There was an older guy there standing at the corner so I was just chilling for a bit to give him a shot at walking across before I went. So I’m sitting there, windows down, kind of spacing out when this 50-70 year old woman (sorry, I suck at ages) comes prancing up from behind/beside the Jeep and gives me a really friendly, “HEY!” So I smiled.

Now here’s the thing. I don’t respond to “I love you” in like fashion if I don’t actually love the person. Even if it’s a close friend or whatever, I’ll divert it somehow. Been like that my whole life. You don’t get an “I love you” from me unless I actually love you.

So my smile apparently let this woman know I was crazy person friendly so she yells, “I LOVE YOU!” Which, for whatever reason, startled me into replying, “I LOVE YOU TOO!”

I was very confused by this.

But she was delighted. She did a little dance/jig type thing (while the old dude I had been waiting for ran across the road and away from the lovefest) and then started walking to my car.

Shit.

But then there were other cars coming so I couldn’t just peal out and I resigned myself to this odd, yet somehow not entirely unpleasant, conversation with a stranger for whom I had just professed my love.

Big ole smile on her face, stunner shades, pulling a rolling suitcase, looking like she had everything together. And then she said, “You know I was moving that shopping cart because God told me to…” and I knew I was in for more than I had planned for.

The one-sided conversation went along the lines of her explaining to me that God tells her what to do all day every day, that she was given a thumbs up by 2 girls in a car and she knew it was God’s plan because one of the girls had a shirt with a heart on it that said 100% love, that she wasn’t crazy, she was just a woman chosen by God, that it was all well in her world, that people like me were put here for a reason even though we didn’t know it, that God was everywhere, talking to everyone all the time, that she had a direct line to God because he had chosen her to do his will (which apparently included moving shopping carts) and that she wasn’t born again, she was…something. I don’t remember that part. It all came out pretty fast.

So I’m sitting there with what could only be a confused look on my face and she pauses for breath so I say, “Alright then, I wish you the best!” And smile. Because why the hell not.

She laughed and threw her hand in my window like she was going to fist bump me but neither of my hands were anywhere near where she lunged in and then she kind of flattened out her hand like maybe it would have been a high five thing (again, this all happened so fast that I hadn’t had a chance to move my hands from the steering wheel) and then withdrew her hand while I was figuring out that this was even happening. She was like a stealth ninja but here I come around all sloth-like with my fist and she cackled and grabbed my fist with both of her hands and kind of shook them.

I guess I’ve got the reflexes of an arthritic tiger but whatever. I’d like to believe that I’d be more quick on the uptake if an actual threat had presented itself.

2 thoughts on “I’m not crazy, I’ve been chosen by God

  1. back in my patrol cop days…if ever i had a ride-along or a trainee, i’d ride around until i found a particularly “chosen” person meandering around. i’d then pull up to them (keeping them on the passenger side of my vehicle) and motion for them to come over. as they approached, i’d roll down the passenger side window and say to the person, “hey, my passenger wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

    then i’d lock the window so that my passenger couldn’t roll it up. ahhh, the looks on their faces. good times

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